Part of the EFT-tapping formula is to create a set-up statement that ends with a “positive balancing statement.” Usually, that sounds like, “Even though ____________, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”
The journey towards “completely love and acceptance of self” can be a long one for many of us and is one of the main goals of dream work and EFT. Occasionally though, when we say this phrase, a voice in our head responds, “No, you don’t. You don’t love yourself. How could you?”
Now, a quick and easy win here is to change your statement to one that feels more true for where you are currently.
“… I’m open to loving myself”
“… I can accept this part of me”
“… I accept that I am feeling this way”
“… Right here, right now, I’m okay”
“… God loves and accepts me”
These are just some examples of how you can change the setup statement so you don’t experience more resistance. However, many of us want to be able to love and accept ourselves. So, how can we use tapping to get there?
Well, let’s start here:
Place your feet on the ground and just sense the connection to the ground. Really feel your butt in the chair. Really gently, really slowly move your neck from side to side and allow your eyes to take in whatever is around you, just noticing the different colors, objects, lighting, etc.
Breathing gently, start tapping on the side of your hand.
Say out loud, “I deeply and completely love and accept myself.” You might repeat it a few times.
Just notice if anything within you contracts or resists.
Maybe a voice says, “No, I don’t.”
Just notice that. If you were to give that a rating out of 10, how intense is that feeling?
0 = There was no feeling at all. I really truly do deeply love and accept myself.
10 = Everything within me says that I do not love and accept myself.
So, tapping on the side of your hand (SH), let’s do a setup statement.
SH: Even though I find it hard to love and accept myself, I am open to learning.
SH: Even though I have this contraction when I say “I love and accept myself,” I’m okay.
SH: Even though something within me says I shouldn’t love and accept myself, I accept that part of me.
Top of the head (TH): Don’t love myself.
Eyebrow (EB): Can’t accept myself.
Side of the eye (SE): This contraction about loving myself.
Under the Eye (UE): It’s hard to say.
Under the nose (UN): That I love and accept myself.
Chin (CH): I don’t yet love myself.
Collar Bone (CB): Can’t accept myself.
Under Arm (UA): Don’t love myself.
Do a round or two on this, using the words that reflect YOUR experience. Take a breath, and then re-rate out of 10 the intensity/distress you feel when saying “I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”
Keep going until you get between 0-2.
You might consider these statements and notice how true they feel and tap on them.
“It’s not safe to love myself.”
“It’s arrogant to deeply love myself.”
“It’s dangerous to love and accept myself.”
Consider what bad things or feelings you would experience if you did fully love and accept yourself.
What things in your life would you change if you did love yourself? Does that scare you?
What parts of yourself can you not love and accept?
If you find yourself unable to reduce the intensity down to 0-2, start tapping on the side of your hand and recall a time when you found it hard to love and accept yourself. Maybe you’ll remember a time when someone told you that you weren’t lovable or acceptable. Maybe you’ll recall something you did that stops you from loving or accepting yourself.
When a memory arises, consider how you feel about it now. Not how you felt back then, but how you feel about it now as you think about it. Give it a rating of 0-10, with 10 being the most intense. Then tap on this memory. It can help to give the memory a title, like “Mum yelled at me in front of my friends” or “The day I broke my promise.”
Use the following tapping sequences and reminder phrases as you go around the different tapping points:
- SH: Even though I have this memory, I’m okay/God loves me/I’m open to healing.
- SH: Even though I have this memory, and I feel _____, I accept that’s how I feel.
- SH: Even though I feel _____ when I think about (Memory title), right now I’m safe.
After each round, check in and re-rate your intensity until you reach 0-2.
When you think of the memory, consider the worst or most distressing aspect of it. Tap on each aspect. You’ll know it’s working by the increasing freedom to love and accept yourself. And if you get stuck, reach out for help. Wherever you are at is perfect. You are in process. Even if you can’t deeply and completely love and accept yourself yet, you are deeply and completely lovable and acceptable.